to mom

Mom, I love you and always will.
Please dont let the silliness of this distract you,
I just wanted to try another way of getting my message out.

More than anything I want you to remember me.
who I am and who I have always been.
I am weird and can rub people the wrong way but I am just as able to rub the right way to.
But more importantly than that i believe that any meaningful relationship is built on openness and honesty.
Considering how much “family” means to me you all get the full open honest version without anything held back.

I did not have a brain injury, I did not go crazy
I did not lose any “stability”
and although I am frustrated beyond anything you will ever be able to understand
I do regularly raise my voice but other than that I still have never made an irrational decision for me to regret.

I have lived my life in the future _which is just the positive side of procrastination_
I remember more than most but never anything that wont happen again.
If it wont ever happen again then it is as if it never happened.

your turn.
I know that you love me.
I know that you have only ever done your best for me.
you might not know this but you have been in the same horrible situation that Steph has.
For whatever reason you have been absolutely convinced that you couldn’t trust me and because it was not from anything specific _which does not mean it isn’t valid just that it cant be proven or disproven_

At the end of the day you and Steph have been feeding off of each other propagating the idea that I am the bad guy.
I really only ever asked Steph why she was sad,
I really only ever asked you why you wouldn’t trust me or help me the way I needed you to.

Right now our whole family desperately needs you
we all need you to get it together and remember me.
I understand it is a lot of pressure but I also dont have any hesitation in telling you that you can do it.
and will do it well
I am going to head down pretty soon and I need you to do a couple things for me first.
Its all only to level the playing field back out and to repair as much of the damage that has been caused by all the confusion.

Stephanie needs to be told exactly what I just told you.
She needs a reason to trust me and someone has to hand it to her.
You dont need any “ammo” the truth will be more that enough we just have to cut through all the bullshit and focus on whats real while understanding that there are two sides to everything and if we hurt each other there is no question that is only a misunderstanding.

She needs to not only know that you now trust me again but you should have all along and it was a mistake to think that I was a loser drug addict depressed and broken living in squalor

I love you call me when you can I will be ready to fill in the blanks and answer any questions you have about this